October 5th is my bellybutton birthday, the day I came into this world. It’s also the day, six years ago, that I hit my rock bottom. And October 9th is the day I stepped into recovery. Every year since, I find myself in deep reflection between those two days, looking at how far I’ve come and remembering the moment that changed everything.
Yesterday I was looking through old photos. There were smiles from years before my rock bottom, from a trip down the Pacific Highway in California with my partner, Keith. We looked happy in those pictures. We were in love, or at least that’s what I thought at the time.
It’s ironic now, how the man who taught me what love was also stood with me when I fell into the deepest despair of my life.
The Descent
In 2019, when I hit my rock bottom, it was him I was with. I hated myself so much then that I allowed my darkness to spill out in ways that hurt both of us. The shame of that time is still something I carry, not as punishment, but as a reminder of how far I’ve come.
I looked at those photos from that birthday trip to Costa Rica. I saw the emptiness behind my eyes. I was pretending to be happy, pretending to be okay, pretending I knew what success was. The truth was I was drowning. We spent so much of that time drinking and using, trying to convince ourselves that we were okay.
There’s one night I’ll never forget. I was sitting in a big fancy bathtub in our hotel room at two in the morning, crying on the phone with a friend back home. I had kicked him out after a fight and had no idea where he went. I was still drinking, still numbing, even after all of it. You would think that what had just happened would have been enough. But it wasn’t.
The two of us together were a perfect storm. Even after trying to patch things up, we drank again. We found cocaine. We smoked. We kept running from ourselves.
On the trip home, I remember sitting in the airport with one last drink in front of me, tears in my eyes, begging him not to leave me. I was terrified of being alone, but what I was really afraid of was having to face myself. I can still feel that moment when I said to myself, I never want to feel like this again. Not just for what I did to him, but for what I had done to me.
The Rip Current of Early Recovery
In the beginning of recovery, everything felt raw. I cried constantly. My body was wrecked. I was overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, and afraid. It felt like being caught in a rip current, waves crashing over me again and again. Every time I thought I had found my footing, another wave pulled me under.
That chaos lasted for months. It wasn’t until I stepped back into my magick that things began to change.
It wasn’t just about admitting powerlessness. It was realizing that surrender itself could be powerful. The power dynamic shifted. I wasn’t powerless anymore. I was choosing to surrender. I was taking my power back by letting go.
I think about the river metaphor I’ve heard in since being in recovery. You can grab onto a rock and fight the current with all your strength, or you can let go and allow the river to carry you. It takes more power to let go than it does to hold on. Letting go became my act of magick.
The Rebirth of the Witch
As I surrendered, different parts of me began to come alive again.
First the psychic, the part of me that reconnected to the Divine through cards and intuition. Then the healer, who learned to listen to her body and spirit. Then my inner child, the woman, the witch, the Divine Feminine. Each part of me was reborn through surrender.
Eventually, the work became service. The psychic medium, the Reiki master, the teacher, the guide. I look back now and feel humbled by all the souls I’ve had the honor to sit with, across tables, across screens, across circles.
None of it would have happened if not for that horrific day in Costa Rica.
Every year, I honor that part of myself who reached out for help. I remember her. And I remember the ones who didn’t make it.
The Signs Along the Path
There have been so many moments of synchronicity and divine intervention over these six years that it’s hard to even count them. The book. The opportunities. Meeting Dan. The people who have come into my life. The fact that I am still here.
It’s all proof that I’ve been walking my soul’s path.
If you had asked me six years ago where I thought I’d be now, I never could have imagined this life. The feeling, maybe, the peace, the gratitude, but not the form. Nothing about this could have been scripted.
I’ve learned that when we begin to walk in alignment with our truth, the Universe moves mountains to meet us. Every step I’ve taken toward healing has been met with grace, even when it didn’t look like it at the time.
Choosing Peace Over Chaos
One of The Witch’s Promises that has guided me most is this one:
We promise to prioritize serenity and peace in our hearts, minds, and bodies. When presented with a choice, we will always choose the one that is aligned with peace and serenity.
In my second year of recovery, I spent an entire year creating a piece of art that spelled out the word peace. Five canvases, each crafted with intention, hanging on my living room wall. It became a sacred symbol of what I was working toward.
I had lived in chaos my entire life, as a child, as an adult, as an addict. I once prided myself on being able to thrive in it. But peace was what I truly wanted. And now, six years later, peace is what I have.
It didn’t arrive in a single moment of enlightenment. It came slowly, through boundaries, through saying no, through releasing what was toxic, through choosing calm over crisis again and again.
Peace, for me, is the truest proof of magick.
Walking in the Frequency of Acceptance
From The Frequency of Acceptance, the teaching I carry most is transmuting judgment into curiosity.
I learned it deeply during a firewalk ceremony a few years ago. As I crossed the coals, I set the intention to transform judgment into curiosity, both toward myself and others. That ritual has stayed with me ever since.
Now, whenever judgment arises, I pause. I breathe. I ask what it’s here to teach me.
When I feel judged by others, I remind myself that curiosity dissolves fear. When I find myself judging someone else, I try to see them through a lens of wonder instead of criticism.
It’s such a simple shift, but it’s one that has changed everything about how I live and love.
For Those Still on the Edge of Surrender
If you are standing where I once stood, on that edge of surrender, terrified to begin, please hear this.
Find someone’s hand to hold. You don’t have to do it alone. I know it feels impossible, but it’s not. Surrendering doesn’t mean giving up. It means giving yourself a chance to live.
You are not broken. You are sacred. You are capable of miracles.
The version of me that crawled out of that bathtub six years ago could not have imagined this life. And yet here I am, breathing, creating, loving, healing. And you can be too.
A Sacred Number, A New Beginning
This Thursday, I celebrate six years sober. In numerology, six is the number of love, care, and sacred responsibility. It represents the nurturer, the healer, the one who builds family and community.
That feels fitting, because this week, I’m also taking the next step in my service. I’m incorporating The Sovereign Phoenix, a religious nonprofit built for witches in recovery, a sacred space for healing, magick, and belonging.
Six years ago, I was lost in shame. Today, I’m building something that will outlive me.
This is the magick of recovery. This is what happens when we stop fighting the river and finally let it carry us home.
What a beautiful full-circle moment. What a beautiful week of reflection, gratitude, and rebirth.
Enough said.
Much love from me to all of you, my dear friends.
Love and magick in recovery,
Sunshine
About Sunshine
Sunshine is a Psychic Medium, Soul Healer, Reiki Master, High Priestess and the pink-haired trailblazer behind The Sober Witch Life movement and founder of the Sovereign Phoenix. As a recovering alcoholic and spiritual mentor, she helps witches in recovery rediscover their magick and align with their highest purpose.
Join the Sober Witch Life Movement at SoberWitch.life
Join the Free Weekly Recovery Circle for support and a community of sober witches
Join Witches in Recovery at the Awakening Hope New Orleans Retreat: March 2026
Get her book Sober Witch Life: A Magickal Guide to Recovery
